The name is Bond, James Bond. The steely-eyed British secret agent is back in the new film, The Quantum of Solace, striding across cinema screens, causing havoc in the name of queen and country while looking terrifically handsome in a suit. Revitalised by new Bond, Daniel Craig, the long-running franchise is in fighting form, doing what it does best: scattering bullets and brusque asides against a backdrop of exotic locations.
Over the years Bond has popped up all over the map – from Tangier to Iceland, North Korea to the Bahamas. But we were all ears when we heard that the opening scene of the brand new film mentions our very own island. Sadly, Bond himself doesn’t make it to Ibiza but the namedrop alone means it is on the production team’s radar, so to speak.
We don’t want to drop any spoilers, so we’ll leave you to discover the context when you see The Quantum of Solace yourself, but we think in future a great deal more could be made of the island than is done. To that end the Ibiza Now team has come up with a selection of iconic Ibiza locations that would be a perfect backdrop to some Bond action. Let us set the scene.
Grand entrance – DC10
Bond is on a private jet to Spain when through some nefarious activity the pilot is incapacitated. Instead of going down in flames, per the villain’s plans, Bond rushes to the controls and manages to steer the plane towards Ibiza. He bails out and – as the plane smashes spectacularly into the Salinas salt pans – drifts into the middle of a sea of writhing bodies at DC10.
No time to stop for banter here though, there are baddies on the ground and after a frenetic punch up on the dancefloor Bond is grabbed by a mysterious Italian beauty who whisks him outside where they make their escape on her moto.
Beach scene – Salinas
Bond and his rescuer lose themselves amidst the beautiful bodies lounging on Salinas. In order to ‘blend in’ they both have to strip down to the chic swimwear they just happen to be wearing as they stroll along the beach exchanging terse witticisms.
Though, since it is vital to cater for American sensibilities, this will be the only time in living memory that every woman on Salinas is wearing a bikini top.
Exotic urban locale chase scene – Dalt Vila
Bond makes his way to Ibiza Town where a spectacular, eye-popping pursuit occurs through the cobbled alleyways of Dalt Vila. Sprinting up steps, leaping from balcony to balcony, grabbing a bike and flying daredevil down precarious stone steps, Bond takes advantage of every gorgeous quirk of the architecture and ambiance.
A passing club parade of gorgeous dancers provides atmosphere and there is a classic nudge-and-a-wink Bond moment as the brawny hero causes a stir amongst the crowd of glossy gay holidaymakers hanging out at Angelo’s.
Boat chase – Marina Botafoch to Cala Jondal
No Bond flick is complete without some high-powered boys’ toys and where better to ‘borrow’ a priceless racing yacht than from Marina Botafoch? The one he commandeers happens to have a beautiful woman on board who will undoubtedly turn out to be the current or ex-lover of the arch-villain.
She’ll be picturesquely outraged at the blatant piracy but swiftly, if rather improbably, won over by Bond’s rugged insolence and manly boatpiloting skills. He will have to narrowly avoid hitting at least one vessel loaded with adorable children, have one hair-raising scrape in which the baddy will come off worst and there will be an unforgettable sequence played out against the spookily splendid backdrop of Es Vedra.
The eye-wateringly expensive yacht will end up a boiling fireball on the rocky rim of Cala Jondal. James and his new admirer will swim to shore, where she will recline languidly on a day bed, sipping champagne and telling him terribly important secrets.
Cocktail scene – L’Elephant
When we next see Bond he is sporting a trademark impeccably cut suit and decorating L’Elephant’s stunning roof terrace. Russian cocktail waitresses with terribly long legs and terribly short skirts flit around, there will be at least three egregious product placements (Gray Goose vodka, someone wearing Gucci sunglasses at night and a flash of Bond’s new Omega, perhaps) and our protagonist will be rejoined by the nameless Italian beauty from DC10.
Nightclub scene – SuperMartXe at Privilege
There is someone, or something, Bond has to find and he goes searching at the biggest club in the world’s hottest night – SuperMartXe. The cameras lovingly capture the dazzling, strobelit, hallucinogenic splendour of beautiful people, barely-clad dancers and spectacular performance art as Bond works his way through the crowd. As the spotlight turns to diva Rebekah Brown, on-stage belting out a classic house anthem, a stranger slips something into his hand, we zoom in on 007’s piercing, ice-blue eyes for a moment, then fade to black.
By Cila Warncke
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